Thank you... 

Your invitation to become a part of this spiritual “oasis" here in Palm Springs caught my attention on a day when my in-box, fax machine and voice mail were managing to form a sand dune or two of their own on my cluttered desk. I was about to toss this letter into tile “nice no” file when my weary eyes came to rest upon an unusual paragraph in the middle of page 1. 

There, unmistakably, in word-processed black and white, Bob and Linda Buford were inviting me to something much more compelling than just another conference. They were taking the risk of inviting me to come in close — to know them in the most intimate and vulnerable of spaces, that place where faith miracles have to occur in order to emotionally survive. 

In order for the Buford’s to convey their passion for this Christian forum, they felt called to share the life-altering conversion they had experienced following the sudden death of their only child. They were asking me to understand the profound connection they had discovered between their own grace-filled response to this personal tragedy and the caring, sharing and learning that is at the heart of these Foundation conferences. 

To say that they had gotten my attention was a bit of an understatement. ..for the tears I felt burning in my eyes were an undeniable reminder that I was long overdue for an oasis experience of my own. 

And so, here I am. Let me share right up front that I am uncomfortable in the posture of "faculty member" — not just because I am more used to wearing other costumes — such as children's chauffeur, family chef, and donation beggar — but because this term obscures the truth of my on-going student status when it comes to exploring the life of the soul. 

So, with this admission, let me respond to your generous invitation by removing a band-aid that still only lightly protects an open wound of my own. Like the Buford’s, I received the invitation that every parent dreads. But for me, it came in a slightly different envelope. My reply, thankfully, with the grace of God, took much the same form. 

The idea of The Nurturing Network did not come to me in a dream, but in the nightmare of a mid-trimester miscarriage. In my anguish, I was initiated into a sorority of loss, listening in the darkness for the cry of a child that I would never be able to hold or comfort. As I put away the empty crib and folded the handmade baby blanket, I began to ask the questions that haunt every soul at a time of profound loss or pain. 

In retrospect, I am sure it was not an accident or coincidence that it was on my knees that I began to discern the rough outline of a more faith-filled, hope-full and loving response to this loss. I'd like to believe it was the Holy Spirit who whispered to my heart the possibility that the life of many could be born out of the death of one. 

This was the beginning of my healing, my “invitation” to understand up close how so many women must feel when their child is taken away from them through abortion. This was the precise moment when, like Paul, I was knocked off my horse of complacency and was asked to walk in my sister's sneakers and try on her high-heel shoes. 

That personal call “by name” to be my “sisters' keeper” came almost ten years ago and with it was born The Nurturing Network. I structured this grassroots organization with the all-consuming hope that one day we would live in a society that no longer required our services. My prayer was that we would someday literally “be put out of business” by compassion and love: 

• Love of a parent so strong — that it might withstand the onslaught of a thing called shame.

• Love of a mate or boyfriend so binding in fidelity — that it would not cut and run.

• Love of a community so Christ-like — that it would not cast the first stone of judgment but transform that stone into the bread of life.

After some of our ten- and twelve-hour days at the Network, I find myself asking: Is love too much to ask? Is there room for love to slip in between the pronouns of me, myself and I in a self-indulgent society of no moral absolutes and where nothing is considered wrong as long as you don't get caught? I find it difficult to answer these questions just as a relief doctor in Bosnia, Sarajevo or Rwanda finds little time to ponder the arguments for a just war. For there are literally hundreds of thousands of women in our midst who are in immediate, desperate need of this practical life-saving compassion. Our apathy, or worse, self-righteous indifference, will in fact mean the difference between life and death for thousands of children this very day. 

I know, because I hear their mothers' broken voices on our telephone lifeline. I listen to their stories of abandonment and betrayal and discover not only the most obvious culprit, the father of the baby, at the heart of their struggle…but you and I. Yes, we too, are accomplices in these desperate, hopeless decisions — every time we turn a deaf ear to Our Lord's command, “to love one another as I have loved you.”

Recently, I wrote a prayer which I would ask you to quietly consider and see if you can be found in any of the passages: 

I was pregnant and you made a placard to carry at the next rally. Thank you. 

I was imprisoned by prejudice and indifference and you wrote an article about the need for my release. Nice. 

I was hungry and you formed a debate team to argued the merits of “pro-life”

vs. “pro-choice.” I still can't nourish my baby or me. 

I was naked and couldn't afford maternity cloths and you secretly questioned the morality of my circumstances. What good did -that do? 

I was sick -confined to bed and nauseous each morning and you left for a chapel where you could thank God for your own health. But I needed you. 

I was homeless-my parents were so ashamed and you preached to me of the shelter of God's love. Was there really no room at the inn? 

I was out of work — my boss said I made customers uncomfortable and you 

cursed the callousness of my employer. Why couldn't I have worked for you? 

I was lonely — the baby's father wants nothing to do with me and you left me alone so you could pray for me. Why didn't you stay? 

You seem so much holier than I — so close to God; but I'm still so hungry, cold and very much pregnant. Does it matter to you? 

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To illustrate how deeply I believe that if we are — for life, — we have a moral obligation to provide the means to support and sustain it,

let me share with you a page from our family's colorful folklore: ever since our seven- and eight-year old children, Billy and Mary Alana, were toddlers, they have delighted in presenting their mom and dad with moral dilemmas, gleaned from their playground or classroom experiences. At precisely the point where the issues seem especially prickly and difficult to resolve, our children have come to expect a now familiar question to be posed. It is the very same one that nurtured and guided my upbringing: “What would Jesus do?” 

As I reflect upon the underlying weakness or flaw in the pro-life movement at this time, I would have to admit that it has much more to do with the Christian community's lukewarm response to this question than with the troubling challenges of pragmatic politicians and a Godless media. Despite almost two million abortions each year, Our Lord's call to action, "Whatever you do for the least of these, you do for Me,” is still too often met with a series of lame excuses, conditional promises and allegedly higher priorities. 

If there were just one moment in my professional experience at The Nurturing Network that I would try to bring into focus for you, it would be that charged instant when I hear a mother's heart lament, “If only I had known.”

In case you are about to dismiss this contemporary Mary Magdalene, let me clarify a few facts about who she really is. Our research has debunked the false assumption that the majority of those experiencing abortion are uneducated young teens from disadvantaged backgrounds. Rather, we have found that the most likely candidate for this crisis is an unmarried middle class woman between the ages of 20 and 26, who has earned at least a high school diploma. 

"
You know this woman. She is your next door neighbor, your waitress, your colleague at work, the check-in clerk here at this Stouffer Resort. She could even be your own daughter. These are women you encounter everyday and yet, their scars are hidden — some with band-aids called denial, others with armored rhetoric called, “reproductive freedom.
"

During the ten years that I have had the privilege of working face to face and heart to heart with almost 6000 of these –“profiles in courage”, I have learned a well-kept secret that I believe could fatally undermine the so-called “pro-choice” movement if ever fully exposed. The simple truth is that most abortions do not occur as a result of “free choice” but because women in crisis feel they have no other choice. 

My informal research with hundreds of women who have experienced prior abortions reveals that over 90% of these mothers. ..yes, mothers. . . would have chosen a positive, life-saving alternative if only it had been made available to them. 

The facts are that there are four basic influences that weigh heavily in all abortion decisions:

• The father of the baby, frightened and confused, issues a personally devastating ultimatum, “Either me or the baby.”

• The family, embarrassed and disappointed, issues an emotionally crippling ultimatum, “Either your family or the baby. “

• The peer group, well-intentioned but uninformed, issues a socially-charged ultimatum, “Either your social standing or the baby.”

• And finally, the employer, blinded by “bottom line” pragmatism, issues an economically destructive ultimatum, “Either your career or the baby."

Of course, none of these ultimatums has anything to do with “freedom of choice." All have to do with unfair, seemingly impossible tradeoffs.

This is why the Nurturing Network was formed — to give a woman a positive alternative, one which recognizes her unique values, needs and circumstances. Our Network of 22,000 volunteer members is made up of doctors, counselors, educators, employers and nurturing families who empower a mother to nurture her baby's life — while making the most of hers as well. 

Our volunteers devote their time, talent and treasure not to removing an option but to creating one ...not on debating the merits of one alternative over another but on making sure that no woman feels she has “no other choice.”

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Our clients have shown us time and time again that an unwanted pregnancy does not have to mean an unwanted baby.
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There is an obvious correlation between how much practical and compassionate support we are willing to give women with crisis pregnancies and how many healthy infants will be available for the hundreds of thousands of potential parents wishing to adopt. But unless we are willing to offer the emotional, social and financial support needed by women facing this kind of pregnancy, we cannot legitimately express either condemnation or surprise when we discover they have chosen a less hopeful solution. 

You may be wondering how you can help — how you can place your values into action through our ministry of hope; you can: 

• Offer your professional-time and experience as a counselor, a lawyer or medical care provider;

• Contribute much needed financial support knowing that it only costs on average about $400 to assist a mother in her time of need;

• Open your heart and home to a mother whose own support network has let her down;

• Provide part-time or temporary employment for a mother who needs to support herself and her baby;

• Encourage a college or university to join our educational network;

• Help to develop a cluster of resources in your own community;

• Provide an introduction to a foundation whose mission statement would affirm ours;

• Facilitate a college scholarship;

• Approach a hospital board about donating medical care or services for a client; Spread the good word to others who may need help or wish to offer help.

• Pray for us that we may find the resources that will enable us to continue this life-saving work.

In closing, you could say that the Nurturing Network almost ten years ago was my "Field of Dreams" with that recurring and haunting voice that said, "Build it...and they will come." Indeed they have. And they continue to come. For our Network is no longer a dream but a reality to the women and children of this country...a reality that is only a toll-free phone call away: 1-800- TNN-4MOM. This compassionate outreach is a living testimony to the daily miracles that can occur when each of us takes to heart the Carpenter of Nazareth's plea to "Feed My lambs." 

Your invitation today was a timely gift, a precious and all-too-rare opportunity to "drink at the well" alongside fellow pilgrims, like the Buford’s, whose feet also grow weary. Thank you for making my burden seem so much lighter, my path appear so much brighter and for reminding me by your warm presence on this most fertile and grace-filled oasis that "wherever two or more are gathered in His name, He is, indeed, in our midst."